Kintsugi

"There is no perfection, only beautiful versions of brokenness."

- Shannon L. Alder

Nobody goes through life without a scratch or break. Some of these breaks are externally-caused: loss of a loved one, illness, separation, losing a job, unfair treatment,... Others are internal, such as feeling inadequate, anxious, incapable, shameful, unsuccessful, lonely, unloved, resentful... In fact, there may be few people in the world who are 'lucky' enough not to have experienced any major external scratches, yet I have never met anyone who has not had internal scratches, who have never felt any of those challenging emotions.

Humans are, by nature and without exception, vulnerable to breaks, trauma, self-doubt, even in the absence of external or rational reason.

How many times have I walked into a meeting room about to present to an audience and felt my legs shaking with fear, doubting my knowledge, talent, and ability, even though I knew my stuff better than anyone in that room?

How many times have I felt lonely in crowds, even though I knew I was valued by the people around?

How many times have I questioned whether I was smart enough, pretty enough, good enough, strong enough hardworking enough, loved enough?

How many times have you?

How many times has every single human who ever lived?

Yet, it is maybe the saddest irony of modern life, that this unequivocally shared human trait of brokenness, is the one that we try our hardest to hide from outside and often also from ourselves. Our world thrones performance and perfection. Day-in, day-out, we strive to walk on imaginary catwalks of the 'perfect professional', 'perfect parent', 'perfect lifestyle', 'perfect look', 'perfect output'. There is no place for flaws, breaks, trauma, tears or messiness in perfection. We (try to) ignore, bury, forget, hide what is not perfect about ourselves. As there is not one human exempt from these 'flaws', there is really no place for humanity in perfection.

In Japan, broken ceramics are often repaired by gold dust. They are regarded and marketed as more valuable after this repair than when they were 'perfect', before the break. The flaw and its repair are seen as parts of the object’s history, which adds to its unique expression and beauty. This art of repair is called Kintsugi and its affect lends itself to a philosophy, beyond ceramics. Kintsugi invites us to embrace and our 'flaws' as our building blocks, heal them with gold dust and make them part of our unique voice and story.

"The break is where the light gets in", said Rumi. We elevate to fulfilled, liberated, complete, and unique expressions of ourselves, not by hiding or avoiding from, but by leaning in to our imperfections. With intention and commitment, we learn to accept, embrace, and integrate our brokenness into our essence. We develop deeper authenticity, compassion, empathy towards ourselves and others, as we understand that we are all broken -not more not less and not equally- but differently, and that it is a shared human vulnerability. There really is no place for perfection in humanity.

Each of us is break-prone, flaw-full, and thanks to that, beautiful in our brokenness. Life is what makes us, and we are the ones to pour in the gold dust. We are our own Kintsugi: imperfect, real, valuable, wonderful.